Why I don't bother with New Year's Resolutions
How I'm happier and more successful because of it!
This time of year is when I used to make New Year’s resolutions. I’m such a perfectionist, em, nerd that I googled the use of apostrophes in the above phrase and found the answer here on Grammarly.
I would write down the usual suspects: get in shape, eat better, lose 15 lbs, quit smoking (yes, ME! I used to smoke, crazy, right?!)
Inevitably, I’d start strong and fall off the wagon somewhere. Depending on the situation, I’d climb back on, but I just gave up most of the time. My past is littered with unrealized resolutions.
If you’ve known me for any length of time, you might find that hard to believe. I’ve been a long-distance runner with over 30 marathons and half marathons under my belt, 7 triathlons, learned skiing, ice skating, and weightlifting as an adult, I’ve traveled all over the world, done 2 solo long-distance treks, attended University in a non-English setting, owned and operated 3 businesses, graduated Magna cum Laude, moved cross-country twice, won powerlifting and weightlifting awards. I’m also very human and failed out of college, losing a full scholarship in the process ~ My GPA was 1.7. I stayed in a soul-crushing 7-year relationship with a person that verbally and emotionally abused me, who stole from me, because I didn’t think I deserved any better. (yes, ME! Miss Independent, WTAF) I’ve made poor financial decisions, lost money, said and done a host of bone-headed things. I used to drink to excess, smoked 1.5-2 packs a day, had an eating disorder, and had a destructive gossip habit.
SO. What changed? I mean, besides basically everything.
The biggest thing was I stopped the resolutions and looked at the things I wanted to have. Why do I want these things? What do I think they will bring me or make me feel?
Quitting smoking, for example. I wanted to feel healthy and able to work out without sounding like I belonged in the hospital. I saw older smokers’ faces ~ I didn’t want their skin. I wanted the FEELING of accomplishment that I had overcome an addictive habit. Maybe you’re a bit like me too ~ you don’t like knowing that something OWNS you.
I also saw that the resolution to QUIT SMOKING had no plan. #duh
What was my PLAN for quitting? Um… don’t buy any more Marlboros, and that’s that. #duh X 2
That’s an outcome goal. Which is a good thing to have of course, but a crucial ingredient is missing!
What I didn’t know was I needed a process to accomplish that goal. What steps would I take to stop, what milestones were on the way, and what would I do when I wanted to smoke? I had never thought about any of those and was, of course not successful. Willpower can only last so long.
I set myself up for success with a process for achieving my goal; part of that process was:
I checked off the days on a calendar page when I didn’t smoke
I anticipated that I’d have days where I would smoke, and to limit that to ONE cigarette, that I could have 2 drags and then snuff it out. If I wanted more, I would have to relight the SAME cigarette. If you’ve never done that, it makes an already disgusting taste even worse.
Every week I deposited the money I WOULD have spent on a carton of smokes and paid down debt.
When cravings hit, I had a few options depending on the environment ~ chewing gum, a Dum-Dum lollipop, or count to 100 by 2s. I came up with that last one out of desperation one day ~ I still use that today when I feel anxious or unsettled about something or need to keep my trap shut.
At the same time, I created a new identity. I wanted to be a woman who raced marathons and triathlons. I wanted to hike the Inca Trail. Slight problem: I was a stress eating, sedentary smoker. I decided to identify as an athlete. Endurance athletes don’t smoke, end of the story. This identity shift was huge, and I’ve used it repeatedly in my personal growth and achievement journey.
The Point
So can you imagine setting outcome goals of what you want to be, do or have and then reverse engineer the steps to get there (process goals) ~ while you’re at it, visualize the type of person that is, does, or has those aspirations? What kind of person do you have to become (identity goal), what habits do you have to either install or delete to be that person? Can you see yourself a year from now, as a totally different person?
I can’t publish a book if I’m scared of what people might say about me.
You can’t start up and manage multiple businesses if you’re smoking crack.
I can’t start a YouTube channel if I don’t have the time.
You can’t lead a seminar or workshop if you’re not good at sales or public speaking.
You’ll quickly see the habits you’ll need and who you have to evolve into.
Resources help with this process. Find books, blogs, and podcasts (this newsletter!) that align with your goals and USE them to become the person you want to become and follow their lead.
What I’m reading, listening to, and doing for my goals for 2021:
Robin Sharma (5 AM Club fame) has a course, Hero.Genius.Legend I’m taking on MindValley.
Meditating for 60 minutes total throughout the day
Dr. Benjamin Hardy’s 30 Day Future Self Program free!
The goals I have this year are so grand and scary that they require me to be the type of person who makes time to meditate like that, who gets up before her alarm goes off at 5 AM, with creativity for more than just the book that’s being written, but for far more ~ to come up unconventional means to achieve her 10-year goal in 6 months. Not that even has to happen, but to think about accelerating goals in that way requires me to really think outside of the box; this is Peter Thiel's territory. That woman can’t do it all on her own, so I’m learning to collaborate and think about the team necessary for what I want to accomplish.
That’s quite a bit to digest, so take some time to think about this if that’s your inclination, grab a pen and paper (research show this is extremely effective for goal achievement) and start putting ideas down, then act on them ~ ideas need action to grow.
If you have any comments or questions about this procedure ~ or wanna say hello, share YOUR goals, maybe get some help with figuring out your process steps, shoot me an email. Let me know how you’re doing. Even though I’m from New Jersey, where we say how you doin’ ~ and don’t usually mean it, I MEAN IT.
Speaking of New Jersey, a lil inside joke for ya:
If you’re feeling inspired and want to share, please forward it to a friend or on social media.
Have a great week ~ talk soon xoxo
Aileen
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Happy New Year to this lovely community! Spot on Aileen! It's not just about defining what you want, but how you will get there!
Well shit. I see you are my twin. Well, part twin. The whole apostrophe, smoking, eating disorder and self sabotage shit. I love this post and will be going back and rereading several times. Thanks!