My mom said this a month before she died.
Well, that's dramatic. š¤·āāļø But so was what she said.
Hey friend.
Welcome to the 6th edition of the Inward Ventures Newsletter, my weekly share of what Iām working on and fiddling around with. Iāll share thoughts and ideas Iāve come across in my continuing quest for self-improvement, productivity, and learning as I strive to excel in my writing, creativity, and well, LIFE.
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My 6th Newsletter! Iām hoping it finds you well, especially after the chaotic week we had here in the US. Breathe in, breathe out.
I said from the start that I love receiving emails and I will always answer. Itās gratifying to see you respond. Youāve been sharing what youāre up to, giving feedback, and asking questions. Wonderful, keepāem coming!
A reader confided that she thinks she has a book in her, but sheās scared to put herself out there. Sheās remorseful that she didnāt put effort into it in 2020 when she feels she should have and is just generally out of sorts about the whole thing. Wants to do, but doesnāt want to.
Sounds familiar, right?
Doesnāt matter what the project is for YOU, Iām sure you can relate to wanting to do something: writing, dancing, selling your art, opening a business, making money playing video games online (I donāt even know how this is possible, but my daughter confirms this IS a thing) but whatever it is, it generally involves the aforementioned PUTTING YOURSELF out there. The dreaded move from comfort zone to ā¦. who knows, right? And thatās the dread. The Unknown.
In May 2018, my mom, 86 at the time, confided in me that she regretted never learning how to swim. I told her it wasnāt too late, we could look into swimming lessons at the nearby Atlantic Club. She was hesitant, wondering if she would be comfortable going for lessons in from of others. I pointed out that the AC wasnāt a public pool, it was private. That she could probably pay extra to get private lessons if she really wanted, and if she *were* in a class, sheād likely be with young children who wouldnāt be judging her in the way that an adult might.
She considered that it wouldnāt be so bad to swim with children. Who knows, I might forget to be scared seeing them splash around!
AHHHH.
Why will you be scared, mom? We slowly went through her list of fears. On the inside, Are you kidding me? Why would anyone say/think/do that? On the outside, I gently worked through the worst case scenarios, and then best-case scenarios.
Afraid of getting chlorine in her eyes. Yep, thatās a good one. We can get you fitted with some good goggles.
Water up her nose. Mm hmm. That happens. There are nostril pinchers and we can also try a snorkel face mask if the way the instructors teach her to exhale doesnāt work.
Afraid of getting too much sun exposure. Fair enough, having had skin cancer and on certain meds that required sun care. There are special sunscreens that are long-lasting waterproof, and long sleeve rash guard shirts that have UV protection. We could also try to sign up for classes in the early morning or late afternoon to minimize exposure.
She was afraid of being laughed at. AH-HA, The real reason. Fair enough, letās break that down. Suppose someone did that. WHO CARES. Why do you care what a stranger is thinking and how would you even know if it was you that they were laughing at? If anything, they likely would say, OMG look at that cute little old lady with the swimming cap and goggles! She looks like an old-time movie star. Look! Sheās taking swimming lessons. Thatās so cool! Good for her. But what if they didnāt ooh and ahh, marveling at how adorable she was? (If you knew my mom, any reaction other than āadorableā would reveal the blackness of your soul, as she was a shining petite beauty. My Nina and I called her āour little bird.ā)
Mom and I discussed a few more fears and put them to rest by acknowledging them (gotta get them out of the closet!) and then debunking them. Tim Ferriss calls this fear setting.
We also discussed what would happen if she didnāt learn to swim. That was an option too, right? She could just let go of it. She admitted that sheād be disappointed in herself if she didnāt try; if she just gave up. (For anyone wondering where my resilience comes from, see?! Itās in my DNA. Both sides!)
I had to do this when deciding to commit to my book, and it took a few days of journaling to get through it. All the worst-case scenarios, I got them out and put them on paper. What was the likelihood of them happening? In most cases, zero. In the highly unlikely case of them coming true, I was able to come up with solutions with how to deal with it. What a powerful exercise to use, and Iām so glad I did.
My mom never got around to calling the Atlantic Club. One month later, she was sitting on her beloved front porch, facing her beautiful and lovingly tended garden. Her irises, lilies, and hydrangeas were happily blooming. A gentle salty ocean breeze blew softly as she slumped, having suffered a massive stroke from which she never recovered. My tiny little bird, she never did learn how to swim. Two and a half years later, it still makes me cry.
Donāt die with your music still in you ~ Wayner Dyer
When I considered my 50th birthday approaching this summer, my momās swimming lessons came to mind. I have always wanted to write a book. Lemme just spit it out: there are BOOKS inside of me, plural. Fiction, non-fiction, childrenās, journals, all of them. I have wanted this since I was a child. Iāve suppressed the urge fiercely. When I couldnāt help it and did write; I would burn or otherwise destroy my creations.
Poppa Wayne sez:
No more. As Poppa Wayne (thatās what we call him in my house) says above, as I thought of my likely halfway point of my life, I pondered did I want to confess to Nina someday that I wished I had written a book?
I decided I didnāt want to die with my book, my BOOKS, still inside me. So I pulled all of my fears out, exposed and addressed them. The few that might come true? Oh fucking well. I vowed to write my current book, and feel Iām honoring my motherās unfulfilled wish with that commitment.
Honor yourself and your desire
So to my reader with that book inside of her, and to YOU, my reader with whatever cherished project is hidden inside your heart, honor yourself and your desire. Take the leap. Expose and address your fears, they are never as bad as you think they will be, I promise. And if for some ridiculous reason you still think you canāt do it, let me know. Really. And I promise I will do whatever I can to be there for you and support you. Thatās part of the agenda of my soul, as Neale Donald Walsch would say.
If you need help with this, please email me or comment here, and Iāll gladly share the specific questions I used for my book project.
If you found this helpful, please forward it to a friend, thank you so much for the support!
I love hearing from you! Talk soon,
Aileen
Aileen, loved your thoughts and as my son reminded this morning, you have been saying you were going to write a book for 15 or more years now ie more than half his life, it would be good if you just get it done. So I am at day 42 and committed to writing every day until day 200 ie the 200 day challenge or until the first draft of my book is done.