Love: 10/10, Would Suffer Again

“Love is the root of all suffering.”

The late night* text, a short one, almost got buried in one of those rapid text conversations of back and forth. I scrolled back up, reread it. *if you’re new here, late night for me means anything past 9 pm*

There’s always something brewing in my brain, but boy, did the gray matter grab those words and run away with them. My sleepy brain started whirling. I wrote some thoughts down, was able to thankfully fall asleep, and have been pulling at the loose threads, trying to weave them into some sort of post.

Which is rude, frankly. I had plans this week that didn’t involve an existential spiral! But after a few hours researching and several rewrites later, here we are.

Love.

They say love equals attachment. And attachment, in the teachings of many spiritual traditions, leads to suffering.

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Buddhism (of course)

• The core idea: “Tanha” (craving, desire, attachment) leads to dukkha (suffering).

• The goal: Non-attachment → liberation (nirvana).

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Hinduism

• Similar but more nuanced: Attachment (moha) binds you to samsara — the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.

• The Bhagavad Gita repeatedly urges detachment from the fruits of one’s actions.

• Liberation (moksha) comes from detaching from ego and material outcomes.

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Kabbalah (Jewish Mysticism)

• Attachment to material things is seen as a distraction from the divine light.

• The ego/self-clinging is a barrier to spiritual ascent — similar in tone to non-attachment teachings.

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Christianity (especially mystics and ascetics)

• Jesus: “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

• My homegirl, Teresa of Ávila, and other Catholic mystics, wrote extensively about detachment from worldly desires to unite with God.

• Monastic traditions often practice radical simplicity to avoid attachments.

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Taoism

• Wu wei (effortless action) and the Tao involve letting go of striving and attachment to control.

• Clinging is seen as unnatural — the sage flows like water and doesn’t grasp.

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Stoicism (Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus)

• Big fans of detachment (understatement of the year)

• Stoics advocate apatheia — not apathy, but freedom from destructive emotions by not attaching to external outcomes.

• Everything is fleeting, so love fully, but don’t possess.

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Modern Psychology (Not religious, but relevant)

• ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and mindfulness-based therapies teach letting go of attachment to thoughts and emotions for better mental health. I could be wrong here, my dear friend Mark Hugh Sam will correct me if I’m wrong, he’s here on Substack too!)

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These philosophies teach non-attachment as the route to peace or self-improvement.

Here’s where I part ways with the path of detachment (non-attachment).

I don’t want to do it.

And not because I can be a stubborn contrarian or rebel. #iykyk

You should know me by now - I love to look at things in a different light, turn them upside down.

So I wonder, what if there’s another door? One that opens through the pain, through heartbreak, not around it? What if the soul doesn’t evolve via escape — rather by means of the expansion that happens when I’m broken open?

I don’t want to transcend love.

I don’t want to climb out of it, wash my hands of it, declare myself above it.
I want to fall into it — fully, wildly, unguarded.

Love? It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

Not because I’m a martyr. Not because I’m addicted to pain LOL But because I have discovered something new and fascinating in the heartbreak — something… luminous? Not the right word, but it’ll do, Leenie, it’ll do.

I believe flashes of enlightenment and advances in our state of awareness come not only in stillness, but in the chaos that is life.

When love breaks me open, I can marvel at my capacity to love.
When it leaves me gasping, I’m more awake than ever.
When my eyes tear up, I see the stars more clearly.

So no, I won’t give up or renounce love. I’ll hold tight to it, because despite all that exquisite suffering, I know that how far I’ve come, the woman/mother/sister/friend I am today, is a direct result of my heartbreaks.

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Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment, I love getting feedback - or reply back in an email - you don’t know how much joy that brings me - A